Conflict: Ask Ken: Why Does Church Conflict End as Badly as it Does?

The Physical World
A pocket watch illustrates a physical law which Einstein considered the premier law of all science.  It is called the second law of thermodynamics.  Not being a scientist, I will state the law in layman’s terms.  In closed systems, there is an irreversible tendency for matter and energy to move from order to disorder.  That is, systems or things that are not open to input from the outside rundown, breakdown, and become less and less useful.  Houses fall into disrepair, cars stop working, and watches wind down and stop. Unless a carpenter reinforces or rebuilds an old structure, unless the auto shop replaces the rusted metal or repairs the broken component, unless someone winds up the pocket watch, those things which were once in excellent working order become useless.  Over time, what was once “perfect” becomes non-functional.  This invariable movement toward disintegration is what the second law of thermodynamics is all about.

Church Conflict
When it comes to addressing ongoing, unresolved conflict in the church, one of the most oft-stated refrains church leaders make is, “we’ll take care of it on our own.”  And what typically happens next as the circle draws tighter?  Relationships breakdown even further.  The statements made by two church members are typical:  (1) “No one would admit there was a problem until it was way out of control.”  (2) “At the annual Business Meeting we were shocked to find out that there were deep and hard feelings between church members and the pastor." 

Why is such an unhappy spiraling of events so common as a pattern of church conflict?  A short answer is because the conflict has become closed.  Over time, parties have become "antagonists" (from the Greek word which means “to struggle against,” as in Hebrews 12:4).  When people lock horns, their world narrows.  An intense power struggle follows.  Eventually, it spills into and embroils the rest of the congregation to the detriment of all.

This is nothing new to conflict resolution theorists who, for years, have recognized the inherent negative interpersonal dynamics of closed systems.

“Direct negotiations have a limited usefulness once the level of conflict has
escalated in intensity" (David Augsburger).

“Once in a fight, each side finds it difficult to accept the ideas of the enemy” (Louis Kriesberg).

“A proposal that is unacceptable coming from you [an adversary] may be acceptable if it comes from a third party” (William Ury).

“[Direct, two-party] negotiations are hard to sustain and frequently break down, so that the next resort is usually coercive self-help” (Kevin Avruch).

The Lesson from a Pocket Watch
A simple observation of a pocket watch makes clear that agency other than the moving parts of the watch itself has to wind the timepiece up in order for it to properly function.  For those whose churches are experiencing ongoing, unresolved conflict, it is a mistake to think that with just a little more time, everything will get better.  Closed systems don’t get better.  They get worse.  Eventually, they stop working altogether.  The truth is, if matters in the church could have been satisfactorily resolved by those involved, they would have been. But since the problem has only become more intractable, another approach is desperately needed. 

For churches stymied by conflict, the best way to reverse the trend toward social disintegration is by calling upon the outside assistance of one trained to positively impact such systems.  Only with the infusion of energy from outside the system are matters within the system more likely to improve and stabilize.  Such is the lesson from a pocket watch.

FOR OTHER ARTICLES BY KEN ON CHURCH CONFLICT... click here

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  © 2005 Kenneth C. Newberger
Ken Newberger, an experienced church conflict resolution specialist, earned his Th.M. from Dallas Theological Seminary, has ten years senior pastoral experience, and is in the dissertation phase for his Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis and Resolution at Nova Southeastern University, one of only two accredited doctoral programs of its kind in the United States. If your church needs help resolving conflict, if you need individual coaching, or if you would like to introduce a proactive conflict management system into your church, please visit Ken's website at www.ResolveChurchConflict.com  or call 301-253-8877.

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