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Thursday, July 21, 2005
Conflict? Ask Ken: Lets Boycott the Service
Some individuals were not happy with the leadership style of the new pastor. Frustrated, they went to Sunday school but boycotted the service. Let's call them group A. The new pastor in turn was hurt and discouraged and left. Those who became friends with the new pastor (group B) were now hurt because the pastor felt he could not longer stay. Most of those that felt most hurt by his leaving were in church leadership. When people started attending this church, it was rumored that the leadership wanted to 'kick out' group A for forcing the new pastor to leave. The rift became so deep that communication between the groups ended and scowling and murmuring had ensued. Group A eventually was asked to leave the church. Numerous families have now departed. People’s feelings and faith are being negatively effected.
Discussion Questions:
What are your thoughts about this real scenario? How do things deteriorate to such a point in the church? At what point could this downward cycle been interrupted and in what way? What do you suggest happens now to rectify the situation?
What parts of this story reminds you of experiences you’ve had in your church? How were they handled? What is the one piece of advice you would offer to any pastor as being foundational to church health?
FOR OTHER ARTICLES BY KEN ON CHURCH CONFLICT... click here
FOR OTHER ARTICLES BY KEN ON "THE NEWBERGER PROJECT... click here
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© 2005 Kenneth C. Newberger
Ken Newberger, an experienced church conflict resolution and development specialist, earned his Th.M. from Dallas Theological Seminary, has ten years senior pastoral experience, and is in the dissertation phase for his Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis and Resolution at Nova Southeastern University, one of only two accredited doctoral programs of its kind in the United States. If your church needs help resolving conflict, if you need individual coaching, or if you would like to develop a communicatively healthy church, please visit Ken's website at www.ResolveChurchConflict.com or call 301-253-8877.
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Comments
If God calls a man to preach, he is also calling him to be a leader. It is unfortunate that this man was defeated by discouragement.
Conflicts will forever rise in churches because sinful people reside there. This is a wonderful opportunity to take the conflict at hand and LEAD!! There obviously were sheep needing a shepherd and the shepherd left, that's too bad.
I would urge those in leadership to look at conflict as a God given opportunity to redirect the sheep with the truth that:
-God is why we're here (that has many implications, too many to go into now, but should always be where we start).
-And that unity is vital in the body of Christ. John 17
Sheep are stupid, we have to keep being brought back to the right path. But if they are of God, they will hear his voice. (His truth will make sense to them) If they won't hear, they will leave but the church's unity is maintained, very important!!
I realize there's more to the resolution process, but this should at least be our heart.
Posted by: pmn | Jul 21, 2005 4:13:15 PM
I have read (somewhere) that it only takes 7 people to orchestrate something like this in the church - amazing!
It is important that the leadership - pastors, elders, take a stand on this and not allow disunity in the life of the church.
While it is difficult, these people need to be lovingly challenged in their lives. We have a few in our church. We watch them carefully - they come to their classes on Sunday a.m. and leave before the worship service. One who was particularly grumpy and caustic was challenged by the pastor. He did not leave the church - however, he simply comes in to his class and then leaves. That's OK.
He does not spread his "stuff" around. In fact, there are a couple of elders who actually are in that adult class he attends and he's watched closely. He gets the point.
While it is sad that he is not allowing the Holy Spirit to work in his life, at least he doesn't infect guests, etc. at the service, because he leaves.
I suppose we could have challenged him further through a loving confrontation with the Elder Board, but we chose this route - I believe it's working.
Posted by: Reay | Jul 22, 2005 8:13:56 AM
While preparing to preach one Sunday morning, the Lord prompted me to go visit another pastor at another local church -- after getting there, I knew why -- some of his people had led a boycott! Unbelievable to me! Only the pastor and organist were there! The three of us prayed at the altar -- and I had the pastor preach his sermon to me... the pastor's wife was at home (devastated, of course). I've often wondered what those "boycotting people" will do when they come face to face with Jesus... how does this get explained?
Posted by: Jeff Freeman | Jul 22, 2005 11:22:48 AM
This situation sounded like a crisis in leadership, though.
There is an unspoken or sometimes spoken commitment on the part of a member of a church to unity of that church. Without knowing all the details, it sounds like:
A: The pastor should have hung in there longer.
B: The leadership should have supported him more directly to insure that A happened.
C: "Group A" should maybe have been asked to "leave" BEFORE the pastor left!
Church unity is a vital thing. Don't EVER say or do anything publicly against your pastor and your leadership. (Like the military, among leadership, complaints go up, not down, and certainly not "sideways") Again, I don't know the whole situation, but this behavior sounds to me to be unethical, unbiblical, and just mean. Now if we're dealing with serious moral or doctrinal failures, there's ways to handle that, and it sounds like this wasn't the way.
btw, Jeff Freeman, God bless you for the support you offered that man! How was the sermon?
Posted by: Peter Hamm | Jul 22, 2005 12:36:21 PM
I've been through a very similar situation recently, and believe me, there are no easy answers. In our situation, members of "Group A" were actually in leadership - on the board!
At the time it seemed very easy to me - Group A was guilty of sin (divisiveness) and needed to be confronted with that; the guilty board members needed to be removed; the pastor needed to take the lead on that.
In our case, we took our eyes off God and focused on the pastor, which widened the division - you were either for the pastor or against him.
One big problem in how we handled the situation was that we focused so much on saving the pastor that we never looked at the concerns about him raised by Group A.
God forbid I ever have to deal with that again, but if I do, I hope it would be with these thoughts in mind: Individual members of Group A need to be confronted according to Matthew 18 (privately, then with 2 or 3, then before "the church," which may be simply the board or other leadership structure). They need to be directed (not requested) to stop their sinful, divisive behaviors. They also need to be heard - listen to their concerns and take steps to determine where there may be some legitimacy.
Sit down with the pastor and address those concerns that have some legitimacy - in a way intended to build up both the pastor and the church. Make sure the pastor has a complementary (not just complImentary!) team around him - people that can fill in where he is weak so he can focus where he is strongest and most gifted.
Easier said than done, and not all there is to it, but these steps will serve the pastor and the church better. Another key factor is making sure the church has realistic expectations - how long does it take a new pastor to acclimate to the church and get the vision moving forward? What should the pastor's role be? Is an Executive Pastor needed? Should we look at a team of preaching pastors? And a host of other questions can help.
Posted by: Randy | Jul 23, 2005 1:14:42 AM
some 45 years ago, the church I grew up in was born out of a similar situation, only it wasn't "group A" that boycotted, the pastor (who was not new) and "group b" boycotted the entire church, built a new building a few blocks down the street and started a new one.
The reasons for leaving/supporting the pastor were good ones, from what I understand. But it was a rough way to start a church and I have some insights, but don't want to share them here - but will say that working it out with the pastor still there seems to be highly preferable.
Posted by: Ellen | Jul 24, 2005 3:01:09 PM
I had to laugh at this one. I, too, had a sermon that offended some, (something about being opposed to the war)and one lady tried to organize a boycott the next week. She didn't get anywhere and one elderly man summed up the thought perfectly, when she called him- I'm too old for that kind of
s--t.
Boycotts are immature. Discussion and communication are what is needed. I am lucky I belong to a denomination that promotes discussion (UCC)and disagreement. No one grows in maturity by taking their toys and going home.
Posted by: David | Jul 25, 2005 11:32:12 AM
I think it is wonderful that they come at all if they don't like part of the worship. Peter said, "FEED my sheep."
Usually S.S. is the feeding time and church is the worship time. I admire them that they came at all. I admire the others for allowing them to come to part without judging. Why do people have to give up THEIR church when they hire someone who takes it in another direction?
Posted by: TLC | Aug 1, 2005 6:16:16 PM
