Other Examples of Bad Christian Merchandising

I've often told my wife that if I wanted to make a ton of money, I'd just start an online business that sells "Jesus Stuff".  Christian merchandising has gone over the edge lately, and it's one of my pet peeves.  It seems the weirder or more outlandish the idea, the more 'christian' people line up to buy this stuff.  Here are three 'for real' things that are coming to a Christian bookstore near you in the next few months.

The Joel Osteen "Your Best Life Now" Board Game
Unlike the Joel Osteen toothpaste (referenced in a post earlier today), this one is totally for real.  Endless Games press release says, "We are privileged, honored and excited to create a multi-generational board game based on Joel's inspirational, uplifting, and remarkable book.  The game will make a difference in the lives of the people who play it.  It's play has a unique twist that integrates the game's results into the lives of the players after they finish playing." 

Ironically, Endless games also has two other new games they are introducing, Bull Craps; and Bull Spit.

I wish I had a picture of this one, but I don't.  Revelation products is coming out with the "Suit of Armor" playing cards.  According to Christian Retailing Magazine, these playing cards will feature Scripture verses on each of the non-face cards, jokers that reference the devil and an additional witnessing card outlining the way of salvation to pass along to a fellow player.  They first introduced NIV cards and found the demand was so great that they are planning a second series using the King James Version for 'regions where the translation is more popular.'  "We know Christians play cards... We saw an opportunity for them to get into conversations and evangelize their friends and reach others" according to Buz Phelan, the creator of the cards.  The cards are, according to the article, "casino quality".    Buz's company has also brought us a line of inspirational candles called "Inspiroma" and "Gospel Golf Balls" ('each ball carries a scripture verse and reference so that when you lose a golf ball, you will be sharing the good news'.)  Buz said, "We saw a real gap in the Christian market.  There are a lot of heavy-handed, overly religious products that don't have quality, and we wanted to do something with excellence."

And finally, the "Left Behind:  Eternal Forces" PC Game will be out soon.  According to Wright off the Bat, Eternal Forces will allow you to help the post-rapture Christians as they fight against the Anti-Christ and his forces. Of course, there's one small caveat. If the game appears to be like Grand Theft Auto, it's because in many ways it is like Grand Theft Auto. The game involves your typical cadre of violence, killing, guns, and murderous slaugther. After all, would you expect anything less when Armageddon is right around the corner. As CEO of the Left Behind games Troy Lyndon says, "“Everyone knows that the heart of a great RTS game is all-out battle, and Left Behind: Eternal Forces includes the fast and furious combat gamers expect to see.”

OK... with all this said... I think I've come up with the next big Christian seller.  May I introduce to you the 2006 Ford Mustang JT (Jesus Touring) edition.  I think I can make a mint (and everyone who drives one will be a witness in their community).

Click the picture below to see a picture of its beauty.  To order one, just contact me.  :)

   

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